How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
