what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
