Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He did a backflip because drugs
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