Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
