did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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