dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
