By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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