Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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