Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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