I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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