glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize