I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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