I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize