I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize