It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
