Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
