Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
