I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
