He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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