what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
