at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to calm my uterus...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
