i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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