...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
