Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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