Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
