I CAN MOONWALK!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
