im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
