Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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