U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize