Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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