Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize