We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
