oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
