I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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