We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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