I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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