You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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