i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
