i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
