Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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