dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
