Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
