Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
