Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
