Just fell off a train. Bad.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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