Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
