just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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