paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
