I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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