I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
