My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
its liver damage thursday
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
