Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize