Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
