remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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