It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
