We won't sleep together?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
