My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like God shit irony all over that family
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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