she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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