I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
