hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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