party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
