Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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