I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
