that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
