PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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