I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
