every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
