Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
