This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
