His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
