Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
