As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
