The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
