I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
