i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
