just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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