She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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