my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
