Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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