Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
