I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
