someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Farmville is her only friend.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
