Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
