took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
